Crucial Accountability
Asking for a Raise
Dear Crucial Skills, How can I convince my manager to give me the promotion and pay raise I am owed? This year I came back into mainstream office activity after resolving some personal problems. I got more and more responsibility over the course of the year and my supervisor reassured me he...
How to Foster Accountability in a Tight-Knit Culture
Dear Crucial Skills, Our organization is non-profit with a family-oriented culture. Unfortunately, we act like a family that has no accountability. Instead of holding people to account, our approach is to avoid and dumb down. No one is ever fired for poor performance. People arrive late, fail...
Responding to False Accusations
Dear Crucial Skills, One of my coworkers said I didn’t involve him in a decision I made, but I did. I told him I relayed his input—he is the expert in this area—to another person, as he asked me to do. He said I made the decision to meet with this person without inviting him. When I try to...
How to Hold Your CEO Accountable
Dear Crucial Skills, I am on the leadership team of an organization that is in the beginning stages of a significant cultural change. In reflecting on the work in front of us, I realized that I do not trust the CEO to lead us through this change. This is a person I like and respect, but it...
How to Deal with Delicate Workplace Issues
Dear Crucial Skills, I have a coworker who has FMLA approval (Federal Medical Leave Act), and I think she abuses it. She doesn’t come to work on time. Multiple times she has run out of the office, citing various personal issues—issues not related to her FMLA approved issues. We have all agreed...
Transforming a Negative Environment
Dear Crucial Skills, I am a mid-level manager in human services, and support a twenty-one person staff. Nineteen of these team members have a professional approach to their work, manage their emotions appropriately, and are respectful to others. However, two team members are constantly...
Confronting Bad Table Manners
Dear Crucial Skills, I am having problems at family mealtimes. My husband’s table manners are not good—he eats like a hungry animal and spoils the dining experience. I have done my best to ignore his behavior over the years, but my teenage daughter is upset by it and I think his manners...
How to Work With a Self-Centered Person
Dear Crucial Skills, What do you do about someone who is so self-centered that everything is all about him? This happens to be my 14-year-old son, but I’ve also seen this pattern with co-workers and managers where I work. Sometimes, I wonder whether the world is filling up...
How to Manage Awkward Social Situations
Dear Crucial Skills, I was at a nail salon with my daughter, daughter-in-law, and my elderly mother. The salon was packed. We have used this salon many times in the past. They tend to manage their schedule well. A woman entered the salon and started yelling at one of the owners who was in...
Recovering from a Ruined Reputation
Dear Crucial Skills, I am the victim of a character assassination at work. I have been at my current workplace for ten years. A new colleague seems to be jealous of my successes and has started spreading stories, gossip, and rumors, stating that I am a difficult colleague to work with. At work,...
Dealing with Toxic Gossip at Work
Dear Crucial Skills, One of my main concerns at work is how we talk about each other—the staff lunchroom can be especially toxic. What feels most shocking to me is how our boss is often thrown under the bus. I am having a hard time thinking of an appropriate comment to make as I feel...
Don’t Agree On The Facts? How to Dialogue Anyway
Dear Crucial Skills, As a certified trainer, I want to be prepared to answer students’ questions. In talking about separating facts from stories, the question came up: “What if people disagree about what each person said?” For example, I say to my son: “You said you would pick up milk on the...
